Thursday, October 04, 2007

Strange sighting exposed as hoax updated!!!

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The chill of October is in the air, at last the opressive heat wave is at an end, and crisp orange and brown leaves lay on the ground. And this time of year, strange creatures are sometimes seen. (Isn't it funny though, how nobody ever manages to get a good photograph?!!)

This pug-ugly above was (allegedly) seen by one Professor Ichbonnsen, and the painting done according to his detailed description by my friend Sven from Scarlet Star Studios. I don't know..... kind of crazy if you ask me. Nothing so bizarre could possibly exist..... could it? Something about it though.... can't quite put my finger on it....

If it does exist though, it certainly has my sympathy.... those Noubs sound like a terrible affliction!!!

***

Stop the presses!!!! Accusations of fakery levelled against Professor Ichbonnsen!! Following is a transcription from the comments section of this weblog:

Sven Bonnichsen said...
Looks suspiciously like a Dontiss to me.

Coincidence? Plagiarism? An evolutionary relative?

Hm. Given that were so... If the Dontiss feeds off mental emanations of intelligent host animals, could that perhaps explain the mysterious "forums" of this animal? Telepathic pow-wows?

Stranger and stranger.

9:23 AM
Professor Ichbonnsen said...
Yes! Telepathic communication is a plausible explanation.

Noubs are known to have a counter-telepathic effect on sensitive individuals. During "forums," the D.S. invariably begin their exchange with a grooming ritual: picking noubs off one another, killing the parasites.

If these animals were attempting to establish mental contact, then most certainly the noubs would have to be removed as a first step.

The facts all fit.

The hypothesis will need to be tested, though. I must contact the Quay sisters immediately. They will have to recapture the specimen that we previously tagged. If we remove its noubs, then a legitimate psychic (not difficult to find in Romania) should be able to make contact...

Mr. Brent: I've noticed that you go by the "screen name" of Dark Strider. Are you perhaps a fellow researcher of this species? If so, let us consider pooling our data. Knowledgeable collaborators are always welcome!

10:00 AM
Shelley Noble said...
fyi; I've made the following brief report of my DS siting at Sven's Scarlet Star site:

"I too have seen the Dark Strider. A magnificent creature able to demonstrate baroque mental agility far exceeding the expectations of its nature. I have heard fabled story too of its gentleness in the face of predatory threat and stupidity of the Booring Neids, a neighboring nocturnal forest dweller.

God's speed DS, we need more monsters like you in the world."

10:17 PM
Darkstrider said...
Ah "professor" (if you are indeed a professor.... )

First let me say that I find it rather inexplicable that, while these "Quay sisters" were able to apply a radio tracking device to one of these alleged creatures, they failed to take any photgraphs or obtain any form of solid physical evidence of their existence. Instead, the only visual representation we have of it is a painting that, as Sven already pointed out, bears a more than passing resemblance to my own (purely imaginary) Donstiss.

"Telepathic comminication is a plausible explanation"??!! "Reputable psychic"??!! I assume you're no stranger to terms like crackpot or faker?

.... In fact, could it have been you I surprised snooping around behind my garage last night? I didn't get a clear view of the lurker, but being nocturnal myself I was awake and around 3:15 heard some furtive noises out in the back yard. When I turned on the lights, there was a flurry of sudden activity, then a burst of running footsteps toward the street followed by the hasty starting and racing away of a van. Then there in a somewhat hidden location behind the garage I found an odd pile of painted canvas and 2x4s with a paper mache mask resembling the head of this "Dark Strider" creature. The 2x4s seem to be made to strap onto arms and legs, and the ends are sharpened to points, which would leave tracks like those of this imaginary (and in fact plagiarized) creature. And furthermore, the whole costume looked like a poor-man's forgery of a creature from the movie Dark Crystal (which I don't really recall, but could it have been called a Land Strider?).

According to your weblog sir, you claim to be galavanting about the world via an unlikely assortment of conveyances (rather like Phinneas Fog from Around the World in 80 Days). But could the truth in fact be a bit more prosaic? Which raises the question..... why the somewhat unnatural attachment to my friend Sven (whose last name is Bonnichsen). I propose sir, that you are a fake! A charlatan! An imposter! And worse, a terrible fake! Your copies of creatures from other sources are pale imitations, and even the names reveal their origins. For some reason you seem to have attached yourself to Sven and his circle of friends in a desparate gambit for attention at all costs. I believe you require professional help sir. Please, I beseech you, halt this travesty and seek the psychological counselling you obviously need! You seem to be fixated on Sven in particular.... perhaps you could approach him. Let him be your link to reality. Sven has a good head on his shoulders..... he could help you see reason, get you the assistance you require.

You know, it's funny. All the accusations I leveled in this post came only after noticing the one unforgivable mistake you made. I would have let it all slide.... the telepathy, the awful forgeries and transparent naming conventions, but you made one mistake that I couldn't ignore....



Everybody knows that it's not possible to conduct a forum without the presence of Noubs!

6:12 PM
Darkstrider said...
Thanks Shelley!!! You demonstrate your Noble nature once again, by both saying such kind things about me, and by playing along with the obviously deluded "professor" rather than chellenging his skewed views.

6:28 PM

10 comments:

Sven Bonnichsen said...

Looks suspiciously like a Dontiss to me.

Coincidence? Plagiarism? An evolutionary relative?

Hm. Given that were so... If the Dontiss feeds off mental emanations of intelligent host animals, could that perhaps explain the mysterious "forums" of this animal? Telepathic pow-wows?

Stranger and stranger.

Professor Ichbonnsen said...

Yes! Telepathic communication is a plausible explanation.

Noubs are known to have a counter-telepathic effect on sensitive individuals. During "forums," the D.S. invariably begin their exchange with a grooming ritual: picking noubs off one another, killing the parasites.

If these animals were attempting to establish mental contact, then most certainly the noubs would have to be removed as a first step.

The facts all fit.

The hypothesis will need to be tested, though. I must contact the Quay sisters immediately. They will have to recapture the specimen that we previously tagged. If we remove its noubs, then a legitimate psychic (not difficult to find in Romania) should be able to make contact...

Mr. Brent: I've noticed that you go by the "screen name" of Dark Strider. Are you perhaps a fellow researcher of this species? If so, let us consider pooling our data. Knowledgeable collaborators are always welcome!

Shelley Noble said...

fyi; I've made the following brief report of my DS siting at Sven's Scarlet Star site:

"I too have seen the Dark Strider. A magnificent creature able to demonstrate baroque mental agility far exceeding the expectations of its nature. I have heard fabled story too of its gentleness in the face of predatory threat and stupidity of the Booring Neids, a neighboring nocturnal forest dweller.

God's speed DS, we need more monsters like you in the world."

Darkstrider said...

Ah "professor" (if you are indeed a professor.... )

First let me say that I find it rather inexplicable that, while these "Quay sisters" were able to apply a radio tracking device to one of these alleged creatures, they failed to take any photgraphs or obtain any form of solid physical evidence of their existence. Instead, the only visual representation we have of it is a painting that, as Sven already pointed out, bears a more than passing resemblance to my own (purely imaginary) Donstiss.

"Telepathic comminication is a plausible explanation"??!! "Reputable psychic"??!! I assume you're no stranger to terms like crackpot or faker?

.... In fact, could it have been you I surprised snooping around behind my garage last night? I didn't get a clear view of the lurker, but being nocturnal myself I was awake and around 3:15 heard some furtive noises out in the back yard. When I turned on the lights, there was a flurry of sudden activity, then a burst of running footsteps toward the street followed by the hasty starting and racing away of a van. Then there in a somewhat hidden location behind the garage I found an odd pile of painted canvas and 2x4s with a paper mache mask resembling the head of this "Dark Strider" creature. The 2x4s seem to be made to strap onto arms and legs, and the ends are sharpened to points, which would leave tracks like those of this imaginary (and in fact plagiarized) creature. And furthermore, the whole costume looked like a poor-man's forgery of a creature from the movie Dark Crystal (which I don't really recall, but could it have been called a Land Strider?).

According to your weblog sir, you claim to be galavanting about the world via an unlikely assortment of conveyances (rather like Phinneas Fog from Around the World in 80 Days). But could the truth in fact be a bit more prosaic? Which raises the question..... why the somewhat unnatural attachment to my friend Sven (whose last name is Bonnichsen). I propose sir, that you are a fake! A charlatan! An imposter! And worse, a terrible fake! Your copies of creatures from other sources are pale imitations, and even the names reveal their origins. For some reason you seem to have attached yourself to Sven and his circle of friends in a desparate gambit for attention at all costs. I believe you require professional help sir. Please, I beseech you, halt this travesty and seek the psychological counselling you obviously need! You seem to be fixated on Sven in particular.... perhaps you could approach him. Let him be your link to reality. Sven has a good head on his shoulders..... he could help you see reason, get you the assistance you require.

You know, it's funny. All the accusations I leveled in this post came only after noticing the one unforgivable mistake you made. I would have let it all slide.... the telepathy, the awful forgeries and transparent naming conventions, but you made one mistake that I couldn't ignore....



Everybody knows that it's not possible to conduct a forum without the presence of Noubs!

Darkstrider said...

Thanks Shelley!!! You demonstrate your Noble nature once again, by both saying such kind things about me, and by playing along with the obviously deluded "professor" rather than chellenging his skewed views.

Shelley Noble said...

I tuewtally beeeleaf in Professor Ichbonnsen!

He is among today's few remaining Cryptozoologists still active! Whom else (?) is going to track, tag, and catalog the unusual beasts, hidden in plain sight, on our world?! (besides all the guests on Coast to Coast I mean.)

You wanna know what I think happened here? I'll tell ya. I think what happened was that your friend Sven tapped into your subconscious imagination, the same origin of your Dontis creature, and inadvertently brought it forward through his own creative expression of having to depict the professor's monster solely via sketchy verbal testimony! ---It's bloomin obvious!

No harm. No fowl... literally.

Darkstrider said...

Hah ha!!! Well, again, that's so very nice of you Shelley! Yes, let's not hurt the feelings of the alleged "Professor" (if he is in fact a professor, which I seriously doubt). Sven seems to know him better than anyone else I'm aware of, and Sven has cast quite a bit of doubt on his veracity.

Professor Ichbonnsen said...

Mr. Brent, I am disappointed. You have called me names and made serious accusations. I will respond publicly, and I will address your complaints one at a time.

It is usual to respond in the same venue where a dialogue began. However, in this case, I feel it would be inconsiderate for me to monopolize your comments section with an overly long article. As an alternative, I have chosen to post on my own Monster Month website.

To read my rebuttal, please follow this hyperlink: http://monstermonth.blogspot.com/2007/10/open-letter-to-mike-brent-aka-dark.html

Respectfully,
Professor Ichbonnsen

Pram said...

*reads all posts, head explodes*

Edwound Wisent said...

(^ quoth EYE:
"....Most Dark Striders seem to suffer from parasites -- in particular, a translucent, apple-sized grub known as the "Noub." Noubs attach themselves to the Dark Strider's back, typically behind the vestigial wings, where it is difficult for the skewering front legs to reach."

(^ not to be mistaken for as a "lOWEbe" or "LObee"

(^ kNOw. wait. they SHOULD be mistaken for non parasitic twins but for .. wutzit called?
(^ them doohickies that help on some intrinsic level yet seem to be leaches..
(^ but are enhansers. like babble fish or dust mites or dung beetles.

(^ the fly that buzzes that causes poets to writ
e wonderous thINKgS.

(^ try lauri anderson's Home of the brave. a film from 1980.
I first saw it back to vback to Talking Heads Stop Making Sense film : dbbl billed midnite movies in houston texas at the artsy fartsy film theater called the Nuart